if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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