Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Someone shattered a urinal.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
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