Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
