Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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