So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
