Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
