Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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