My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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