Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
