Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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