then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
