I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
