I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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