I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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