need another drink. this is the easiest way
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
