How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
this just has baby written all over it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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