I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
