I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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