dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
