We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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