And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
