You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
