i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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