Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
