Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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