I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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