i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
