Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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