I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
