On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
