What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
