Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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