I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
