...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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