she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
