Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
