I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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