Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
