Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
