Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
