It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
