Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You took a bar mat shot.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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