i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
