My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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