I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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