As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she smelled like a LAN party
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
