We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
