Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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