I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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