Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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