We're facebook friends in real life
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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