Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Too much gin, very little bucket
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
