I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
