Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
