honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
